Writer’s panic!

I’m attempting to be diligent about writing in my blog frequently so be prepared to hear about all my little neurosis during my writing/query adventure! 😛

Now that I’ve finally completed a good draft of my book, The Dreamer, I’m suffering from writer’s panic. I don’t know if that’s an actual thing like writer’s block but it’s happening to me. I’m currently questioning every little aspect of my series.

Did I write this from the right perspective? I chose to write my book in the third person omniscient point of view, which means I’m writing from the character’s perspective, hovering outside the story…kind of like a god fly that knows all that’s buzzing around the room. Most YA is written in the first person, which makes it much more personal since it’s inside the character’s head. I chose to not write this particular story that way for several reasons, one of which is that each chapter bounces to different characters. Most of my others are in the first person. Anyways, that’s only one of the things I’m questioning.

I LOVE science fiction!! I also LOVE young adult stuff. Why does that combination end up being one of the more challenging markets in publishing? I’ve always wanted to write a fun, exciting, epic page-turning SF series that was super-readable and not so intimidating to delve into. Yes, I was one of those kids that read Dune and Foundation starting in middle school and I also noticed I was one of the very few. I liked Star Wars but was a certified Trekkie. 🖖 Star Wars always seemed fun but also too goofy and I wished there was a smart space story centered around teens.

Am I going to be editing this book for the rest of my life? Maybe one more edit and it’ll be perfect! Fifteen years ago I started writing that story and it has evolved so much since then. Fifteen years of creating, tweaking, giving up, starting over, drawing maps, inventing alien languages, adding characters, killing off characters, and also writing whole other books, all for what? Finally, a couple years ago I decided to completely focus on this series because the characters had become real people to me, like actual friends and I couldn’t give up on them. Also, I felt like the story was meaningful and each character had a purpose that needed to be shared.

Is there too much romance? This isn’t a love story! My series is totally a love story. During these two years, I also added more to the romance element. For a long time, I avoided the romance part of the book because I didn’t want it to overshadow the premise, but it felt like a huge chunk of the universe was missing. There was hints of crushes and love, but I didn’t want to make it all about that. I couldn’t believe how much I was missing out while suppressing these characters’ feelings for each other. Once I let them just “feel” I fell in love with the multiple love stories in this series. I remember crushes and relationships being so raw back in my teens and early twenties, filled with awkwardness, lust, and the end-of-the-world feeling I would get if someone rejected me or there was some big change. Mix all that with telepathic superpowers, aliens, galactic pirates, space battles, a sentient stone, and time travel and you have my book!

There are so many questions and doubts floating around my head the past week that I can’t even think straight. I’m still excited, hopeful, and nauseated about this whole journey. I’m mainly excited for all of you (the handful that are following and the rest of the thousands (?) of future fans) to read it one day.

I could go on all day about my writer’s panic but for now, I have to pick up my daughter from her after-school ‘Chocolate Creations’ class where she recently admitted that she wished it was a ‘Vanilla Creations’ class and that she wasn’t the biggest fan of chocolate. She has numerous “non-problems” such as this. Her dad never has a problem partaking in whatever creation she comes home with. 😂

Hit follow! It adds a drop of dopamine into my 💜 bucket.


Curse you Canva!

…for being so fun and easy to use. I’ve now reached the epitome of procrastination and have designed various flags, logos and even a Ravager patch from my books and brain. It’s like people who design a bunch of merchandise such as t-shirts for a made-up band, but don’t write any actual songs. 😛 But seriously, back to editing book two!

The beginning of my query journey…

…is starting off pretty good so far, mostly because I haven’t actually sent one out yet. 😛 I’m thrilled and anxious to the point of feeling more bloated than I’d like to feel, but for the first time, rejection is not a deterring factor. I’m a 44-year-old mother of a very confident and spunky 7-year-old girl and she has been my main achievement in life and no rejection at this point could destroy me. I’m also old enough to realize that rejection is not that big of a deal. I’m sure after I receive MANY rejections I’ll start suffering from some form of loser/imposter syndrome and that’s okay. It’s a part of the journey.

I’ve researched and created a list of agents that I’m super excited about, one of which I even whispered “yes” after reading their bio and wishlist. Also, a friend who I admire greatly happened to be on a list of clients of another agent I’m querying offered to look at my letter, offer feedback, and use her name as a reference. I can’t express how grateful I am for her and other supporting authors’ advice who want to see you succeed. Now that I’ve received feedback, I’m a little more overwhelmed than before because it’s added more additions and challenges BUT it’s also made my letter even better. ❤️

Another hurdle is that The Black Stone Cycle is a YA science fiction series, which can be a tricky genre. The market is small and it’s sometimes a hard sell, but I’m hoping the readability and fast-paced tone of my writing will be captivating enough. I may have to rebrand as YA/adult crossover.

When I was younger I wanted to write a million books, but I never knew the reality of actually getting people to read your stories. I am also an artist and musician…it’s so much easier to ask someone to look at a piece of art or spend a few minutes of their life listening to a song you wrote, but it’s a huge investment and ask to get someone to read a 95,000-word novel. A writer’s life can be a lonely one. Friends are excited to hear that I am writing a book and I can explain a little of what it’s about, but it’s fast and fleeting and sometimes I walk away feeling awkward.

Want to know my ultimate goal/dream? I’d love to find the perfect most wonderful agent who loves my books and characters as much as I do, and sees the potential in the series enough to market it as a TV show. The show becomes a nerdy success and fans dress like the characters and there are conventions and geeky fan-fiction being written and it becomes its own little amazing universe. That’s not too much to ask right? 🖖

But listen, even if none of that works out and all I get are a virtual pile of “no thank yous” or ghost rejections, my books will still end up somewhere. I will self-publish, keep up my attempts at representation, and continue writing new books no matter what. It will be a success if only a handful of friends and family become fans of the story. The fact that I’ve written two books in the series already is a success!

I’ve been trapped in these thoughts all day in the fleshy maze called my brain and I’m glad I got some of them out in this post. Welcome to my new blog.

Let’s get this crazy journey started!



Procrastinate much?

Sometimes it’s hard to be an artist and writer at the same time…because it’s easy to procrastinate and start designing fake book covers before your books are even published or completed! Still fun though. Books 1 & 2 are written! I’ve always thought this was going to be a trilogy, but as I write the story becomes more immense and detailed. It’ll probably be 4-5 books.