A series of FB posts… ⌨️

…A series of FB posts I never posted here about my query journey for The Dreamer. Organized from most recent to January…when I started my query journey! Read and experience to spiral into madness. 😛

3/15/24- Woowee! Rejections are still trickling in and I’m still alive and kicking. My heart and brain are struggling to connect and choose a feeling to feel and that’s ok. I’m very grateful that I’m a busy person and constantly creating and planning because if I wasn’t, I’d probably be sinking deeper into the rejection hole. I have thicker skin than I thought. It’s hard and the weird sinking feeling sticks around but I try to push those fake discouraging thoughts away.

I’m working on a few short stories I’m excited about and will be submitting those to publications. I am also in with two authors about narrating a romance series they have written.

If after a time, I’m not getting any bites for my queries, I will be excited about self publishing… I know many authors that have found happiness and success in that world. There are so many possibilities. You just need to adjust and tweak your expectations. I’m also working on a couple new series as well. Those will be their own crazy adventures!

I’m really learning how to respect people who can finish a book, query, get it published or publish it themselves… it really takes a lot of grit and passion and motivation.

3/10/24

Trying to normalize feeling grateful, overwhelmed, excited, depressed, anxious, strangely numb, and desperately needing a win in whatever category in life simultaneously…seriously, any category. I need a brain cleanse and a magical pill for hormonal madness. Query rejections are normal, but not helping. Don’t need advice, just being vulnerable and saying…I see you to those feeling the same way.

2/27/24

Sent out the last bunch of queries yesterday and today…not LAST, but I need to take a pit stop and refuel my soul. Towards the middle of this journey, I became very task oriented and tried to eliminate emotion from the equation, but it was super challenging! It’s hard to keep querying when a rejection trickles in and, “I’m a dumb failure” and “Why am I even doing this?!” feelings come rushing at you. My heart is tired, but my brain says to keep going. So many wonderful and beloved authors were rejected and shamed, but they kept going. Thank goodness the shame is very minimal these days and self-inflicted in my case! I’m going to take time and work on my new series. Thanks to everyone who have been such a support and keeping me going. including just being cute in my presence, like Dobby and Ginger.

PS I decided not to submit to an agent just because she was very openly not a dog person…not weird right?! I thought it was weird that she put it in her bio. Too bad, she may have liked my book.

2/24/24

Preparing the last handful of queries to send out Monday. Then it’s time for a query break and focus on new writings. I am happy to have a handful of other series I’m working on. Two I’ve been working on for the past couple years and one brand new one that I’m excited about! It involves timelines, multiverses and oneironautics.

Also, almost 70 degrees while I’m walking dogs and had to take off my coat! Listening to Fugazi and bringing back high school memories! I’m glad the first person I think of now is Joanna Dub because she makes me happy and not resentful. love you girl

Off to get my hair did!

Today is a mixture of sunshine and clouds… Kind of how I feel in my brain.

The most irritating part of this query journey is that I started feeling more brave, vulnerable, and personable 20 queries in… I should’ve felt this way from the get-go but instead I was so bogged down with the little details and too nervous to do something wrong that I played it safe. I sent out three queries this morning to three agents I’m excited about. I need to just keep moving and not worry about the past. I hope I get some interest from the agents I’m sending to today. I have two more to go. Good job me.

2/2/24

Making myself send out a few more queries before we leave town on Monday! Journey is continuing and I teeter between feeling awesome and a piece of normal right? I’m now singing at the top of my lungs and painting. Again, there will be eyeballs

1/30/24

Working on a new book that I started a few years ago. It’s going by to be so fun. It’s a paranormal, spicy romance thriller type series based on Asian demon folklore and urban legends.

I need to work on new stuff and paint instead of sitting around waiting for rejections to trickle in and feel fake sorry for myself (I say fake because I shouldn’t feel bad…I love my book!).

It’s a beautiful day and Pheebz has been doing so well so I need to chillax as well.

1/25/24

I just queried one of a few agents that I was extra excited to send my work to. Wish me luck! Yesterday there was a big one as well. I feel so emotionally (and physically but that’s not new!) exhausted.

I’m not a huge fan of AI art and what it represents, but last night I decided to play around and see if I could get the app to bring the main characters of my book to life…and it did in a Hollywood supermodel AI way! I even tried inputting the words “average looking and acne” but those descriptions seemed to be ignored. The outfits aren’t perfect either but my phone started to die and get a little too hot so I settled for these.

1/24/24

One last query to send out today before I take a little break (until next week). I feel like a crazy person. Totally wired and every time I get an email notification I flinch! mama needs a vacay!

1/23/24

This query process is feeling kinda like I’m applying for college. I’m starting to feel numb about being rejected. I’m kidding and not kidding.

I think the agents I am querying today are ones that hint that it’s really hard for them to be impressed so I’m having big impostor syndrome feelings or as Phoebe would say a total “noob”.

Just wanted to share the little micro green world that has grown in this open pipe in the street. Life!

1/22/24

Just noticed that every time I’m about to send a query… I’m meticulously looking it over repeatedly, and then I whisper to myself, “Just f#%*g send it.” And then after I hit send, I put my arms up like I’m a contestant on Chopped or Project Runway!

Just sent 7 queries out today!

1/18/24

Woowee! Sunrise today was a beauty!

Got another rejection and I’m working on a quick edit after some final beta reading feedback and I’ll be sending out my whole manuscript to agents requesting the full book and also a bunch more standard queries by tomorrow!

After getting the rejection last night, I felt very heavy. It’s challenging to keep reminding myself that it’s a part of the process and that it’s not a negative thing. Still hard though! It inspires me to do more research on agents and through that process I realize how many agents are out there and there is bound to be one that will be a match. I feel like I’m on a scavenger or treasure hunt.

Meanwhile, I’m also getting excited about continuing, my voice acting journey! This experience will strengthen me for that inevitable series of rejections. it’s all part of the adventure! To everyone out there doing something similar… I believe in you! We can do this!

1/12/24 cont.

Sent out three more queries today to match the three rejections I’ve received so far! I think the hardest part of this process is that every agent requires something slightly different. I spent most of the day, trying to write a really short biography of myself and perfect my synopsis. I get paranoid that one tiny detail is going to mess up everything. I’m trying not to get bogged down with all the tiny details. Wish me more luck!

1/12/24

Wow! check out this sunrise. A part of me wants to just go back to sleep, but a bigger part of me knows I need to submit to three agents today. One for every rejection! I found some more that seem promising and I’m starting to get a tingle of excitement in my soul again. also, I am the head of Pheebz school yearbook so I need to get started on that as well.

1/10/24

Another gloomy day…after a super tough day. Getting rejections in the midst of other chaos and sadness is such a weird twisted feeling. Part of me is questioning why I’m torturing myself with submitting my work right now. “I should just wait for things to calm down”…but things really never do calm down and when you sit around and do nothing then that’s exactly what happens…nothing. Sometimes I wonder why I’m choosing paths that lead to inevitable rejection and feelings of failure. I think my ultimate goal in life isn’t to reach some sort of fame or recognition but to get to a point where I’m truly okay with not being okay and where rejection/failing becomes something positive because it shows that I’m truly “DOING” and that I don’t need validation from anyone but myself. “I” know my book is good and I need to remind myself that I’m looking for someone else that is just as excited and motivated to get it out there in the world.

I had a long talk with my daughter last night about finding your “team”…I said sometimes it takes awhile to find your team, not every friend you make will last, but when you find the right ones…it will be magical. I didn’t realize I was telling that to myself as well.

For those who have been supporting me near and far…thanks for being a part of my team.

1/9/24

No pretty sunrise and another rejection…it’s all a part of the process, but man…this is not for the faint of heart. c’est la vie AND allons y! Let’s keep going! I just want to also note that I was told by a few folk that young adult science-fiction is probably one of the hardest sells out there there…so that’s a fun fact!

1/8/24

Woke up to my first rejection and this pretty sunrise! Rejection was inevitable and I’m happy I didn’t get ghosted (which will also happen). I had a feeling that this particular agent wasn’t going to bite. I feel bummed, but also inspired to keep submitting. Gonna start on my next five agents to query!

1/5/24 part 2

I submitted my queries! Let’s get this rejection party started! bring on the no! Yay to nay! Be ok with not being ok!

But seriously, rather than seeing it as rejection, I look at it as finding my match. So, here’s to finding my agent soulmate!

1/5/24 part 1

I’m not a huge New Year’s resolution person, but this year I definitely have some goals I’m setting. I’m holding myself accountable right here and now in saying that today I have sent out 4 queries for my book! Now I have to send them out. The fifth should hopefully be sent out next week since it’s the whole manuscript. Wouldn’t it be awesome if instead of a long and arduous submission journey, it was short and sweet?!

I’m also thrilled to continue my voice acting journey and start preparing for my commercial & character demos while taking advanced classes.

I’m so ready to get out there and share and engage in the things that I love. Writing, music, art, etc. can be very lonely when in the creation and preparation stages. I’m excited to finally take risks, embrace failure and face whatever comes at me!

1/4/24

I am completely prepared to send out 4 emails…letter is done, I have exactly the word counts and pages prepared for whatever each of those 4 people are asking for and I’m a total deer in headlights. I am not afraid of rejection and I know I’ll feel happy and relieved no matter the outcome but I can’t do it. It’s kind of like when you’re inching your body into a cold swimming pool and you just cannot get all the way in even though you know you’ll feel better once you dunk your head under. Yeah…that’s what’s happening. the fifth person I’m waiting for because they want the entire manuscript (which is pretty much ready, just waiting for the last person to read it through). Just jump in girl!!

1/2/24

Sending out my query to my first five agents throughout the next couple weeks! Wish me luck! Hopefully the year of the dragon will finally bring some good luck. My dad and my husband are both dragons after all. all the agents want different things from the whole manuscript to just the query. Hopefully one of them will bite!